


One Too Many Attachments

by ButterFlyEffect



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Action, Adventure, F/M, Romance, Spy - Freeform, survey corps
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-10
Updated: 2014-08-21
Packaged: 2018-01-24 06:34:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1595162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ButterFlyEffect/pseuds/ButterFlyEffect
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When you are sent by the Military Police to keep on eye on the ongoings of the Survey Corps regarding their treatment of Eren, you think at first that your mission seems straightforward enough however, what will happen when you begin forming too many attachments?</p>
<p>(Eventual!Eren x Reader)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Arrival

**Author's Note:**

> Hallo everyone! I have to just say that this is my first time at attempting a series and to be honest I'm not really quite happy with it, but practice makes perfect, right? So I hope you enjoy!

You stared awkwardly out of the carriage window, watching the world pass by and trying desperately not to catch the eye of Commander Erwin Smith, who was sitting opposite. The silence was becoming overpowering to you. You continued to fretfully listen to the rattle of the wooden wheels against the track, feeling the prickling of the Survey Corps commander at the back of your head.

“I can’t deny that I am curious as to your reasons for being here, Cadet (L/N)” the commander spoke up. You tensed up, being more than a little bit uncomfortable discussing it. However, the commander continued thoughtfully: “It isn’t as thought it is unheard of for soldiers to transfer to another branch, but in all my days as commander, I have not once witnessed a soldier voluntarily transfer from the Military Police to the Survey Corps.”

He was suspicious; you could tell that much from the interrogating weariness in his voice. After all, he wasn’t lying when he said that your situation was an unusual one.

“I… I guess I just wasn’t cut out for the Military Police, sir,” you replied quietly. The excuse sounded lame, even to your own ears. The commander watched you thoughtfully.

“Tell me soldier, if you were ordered to die, would you?” 

You gaped at him, completely taken aback by the brutality and suddenness of the unexpected question. A strangely loud silence fell upon the carriage.

“I don’t want to die…” you spoke honestly. Erwin continued to watch you intently. “However if I had to die to save another… then I might choose differently.”

Erwin leaned forward, propping himself up by leaning his elbows on his knees, seemingly intrigued by your answer.

“Good answer soldier. A fear of death will lend you wings out there, beyond the walls. But are you ready to face it, I wonder?” he added, leaning back once more.

You fidgeted in your seat. Of course you weren’t ready to face death. You had seen it once before, at the horrific Battle of the Trost and, for obvious reasons, did not want to look into that abyss again. Heaven knew you would never wipe those images from your mind ever again.

And yet here you were, in the Survey Corps, of all places. The thought made you sick to your stomach, as you returned our gaze to the window. Through the trees you glimpsed a large gray structure, dappled by the morning sun, filtering through the leaves.

“Here we are,” the commander explained. “The Survey Corps current headquarters.”

As you got closer, the carriage began to slow as it broke out of the tree line and you were able to catch a clear view of the stony headquarters. It almost looked like something from a storybook, with its tall towers and small windows.

Everywhere you could see soldiers scurrying about, on some errand or other. You could see a group of four soldiers hanging up sheets on a washing line, which almost made you laugh, had you not been in the company of Erwin Smith, as it seemed such an unlikely scenario for a group of battle-trained soldiers to find themselves in. Another lot were swinging by their manoeuvring gear to clean a round window, larger than the others. On the far side, somebody was leading two or three horses back to what you assumed were their stables.

The carriage finally came to a standstill when you reached the building and you got out and stretched your arms far above your head, to release the stiffness and tension from your limbs. It had been a long carriage journey, for which you had mainly been sitting in the same position for several hours.

“(Name)!? Is that you?” a familiar voice called out, the surprise in his tone evident. You froze, mid-stretch and dropped your arms. Turning your head in the direction the voice had come from, you saw a familiar petite figure jogging towards you, followed by a taller, darker-haired one.

“Christa!” you exclaimed, shocked. She grinned and waved as she came closer. What was she doing in the Survey Corps? The short girl and her taller companion reached you, puffing slightly.

“Well.” That had been Ymir. “Long time no see, (name),” she smirked. “And here I was thinking you had run and hidden behind Wall Sina.” Christa smacked the taller girls arm indignantly, hushing her.

There was a creak behind you as the commander ducked his way out of the cart. Christa immediately straightened her posture and gave a smart salute. Ymir copied, granted it was more half-hearted.

“At ease, soldiers,” Erwin responded good-naturedly. He was the complete opposite of Commander Nile, it seemed. The commander of the Military Police had always seemed like a cold tyrant to you, obsessed with meaningless chores and gestures of respect. In comparison, Commander Erwin seemed about as strict as a newborn foal.

“It seems you are already aquainted with our newest recruit,” he continued. “If that is the case, I leave her in your capable hands.” He nodded to you as he headed over, commenting over his shoulder on how you were free to approach him at any time, should you need to and then turning towards a wooden door in the side of the grand old castle.

As soon as the door swung shut behind him, Christa broke her tense silence.

“Recruit?” she blurted out. “But (Name), I though you were with the Military Police!”

You shuffled your feet slightly and anxiously shifted your weight from foot to foot.

“I was,” you answered quietly. Your reply was met with a curious silence. They were obviously waiting for an explanation, but they received none. Eventually it was Ymir who broke the silence with an irritated sigh.

“Well I’m sure you have your reasons,” she muttered grudgingly, crossing her arms. “I suppose we’d better give you a quick tour of the place. Don’t lag behind,” she tossed over her shoulder at the two of you. You and Christa exchanged glances, before dashing off after her, trying desperately to keep up with your shorter legs.

*****

Exhausted, you flopped down limply onto a makeshift bench, made out of half a tree trunk, your legs aching dully.

Is Ymir even human, you wondered, exasperated. The tall girl had spent the entire morning dragging both you and Christa around the yard at top speed and now you felt as if every drop of energy you had woken up with that morning had been sucked from your body. You realised that the easy life within Wall Sina must have left its mark on you.

I need to get back into shape…

It was then that you realised a shadow had fallen over your hunched form. You squinted upwards at the newcomer who had blocked out the rays of warm sunlight. You could just about make out that it was a fair-haired man with a rather dishevelled look.

He was carrying a stack of heavy looking papers in both arms, though he by no means seemed to be struggling under the burden. Suddenly he bent forwards, so close that your noses almost touched and you could smell his breath, which you felt fanning across your cheeks.

Was he sniffing you?! You squealed and clambered backwards, falling backwards off the log and landing with a thump on your back. As you struggled to push yourself up, you caught him smirking down at you, with barely contained amusement.

“Ah yes,” he mused contentedly. “You’ll do nicely.”

What could he possibly mean by that, you wondered bemusedly, as you pushed yourself to your feet and regained your balance. As soon as you stood firmly on your two feet again, something heavy was dumped right into your arms.

You swayed momentarily under the weight, before steadying yourself once more. Confused beyond belief, you glanced up at him anxiously.

“Take those to Erwin’s office, will you?” the man ordered with another smirk and strode off again. You were left standing there, feeling slightly shell-shocked. You opened your mouth again, but soon closed it, as the enigmatic visitor’s back was already dwindling from sight.

You shrugged and repositioned yourself into a slightly more comfortable position for carrying the stacked papers in your arms and started making your own way across the yard.

Finding the back door and then taking a left turn, you found the commanders office with the door ajar. Christa had pointed it out to you earlier, the second door on the right down the left passage. This was definitely it, but why was the door ajar?

As you drew closer, you heard two voices coming from inside, in the midst of a heated argument. Or rather, one of the voices was raised angrily, while another more familiar voice seemed to be attempting to calm him down.

Anxiously you stared at the open door. It was wooden, criss-crossed with scratches, and blemishes with dark mettle hinges, which had obviously been victim to several years of rusting and mistreatment. Should you knock? Whatever they had been talking about seemed important.

It was then that Commander Nile’s own words rang in your head: “I want to you to gather as much as possible on the nature of the Survey Corps and their treatment of the titan-boy. Any additional information can also be used. This is the mission I have chosen for you personally because I am aware of your abilities as a soldier.”

This was your chance to snap up some information, you realised, all the while staring intently at the half-open door. It was obvious that both parties inside were still unaware of your presence. However, you would have to be careful. You didn’t want to screw up on your first day on the job and you could therefore not afford to be seen or heard.

Your former commanders final words rang through your head as well: “However, should you be discovered and your cover blown, you will be on your own, cadet.”

You tensed as you snuck the final few metres to the door, close enough o be able to make out the words of those inside.

“I’m telling you,” an agitated voice growled. “It isn’t normal for a soldier to just transfer to us like that. Especially not from the Military Police.” You froze immediately at those words, your heart quickening and pounding against your chest, but keeping your ear pressed to the uneven, rough surface of the door.

“I know how you feel Levi,” the second voice spoke. It was an elegant, yet deep voice that you immediately recognized as Erwin’s. “But our power is limited. I can’t be expected to turn her down, or send her back. That’s beyond my power at the minute.”

He was answered by a dissatisfied grunt. “She’s a spy,” the second voice stated bluntly. You flinched, despite yourself. “Levi”, as you had picked up from the conversation, had unwittingly struck closer to home than he had known.

“Levi,” Erwin spoke sharply. “We can’t be drawing conclusions. More trouble with the Military Police is the last thing we need.”

“Tch!”

Feeling a little ill you stumbled away from the door and leaning against the wall. Having heard that exchange, you were left with a bitter taste in your mouth. You had barely arrived and the Corps were already onto you. Maybe you weren’t up to this task after all…

Your moment of silent apprehension was interrupted by loud, excited footsteps thundering in your direction. Suddenly a strong arm clamped around your neck and someone ruffled your hair roughly.

“You must be the transferee!” a loud, obnoxious voice pierced through your ear drums. “Come’n now! Don’t be shy!” You were completely unable to grasp the strangers’ facial features before they dragged you with them; their arm still clamped around your neck, over to Erwin’s door and to your horror, kicked it right down with a bang.

The door clattered to the ground in the office and you were flung into the room, the stranger having finally let go of you. You stumbled attempting to re-order the stack of papers in your hand, almost in a state of panic.

Erwin and Levi had both stood up, jolted away from the conversation at hand. However soon enough, their startled expressions flickered into one of recognition.

Levi’s voice rang through the air, in a low, furious growl.

“Hanji.”

Erwin sighed and merely sat back down in his chair again. Judging by the exasperated look on his face, this was not the first time something like this had happened. Levi’s face told a similar story.

Curiously, you turned in the direction of your assailant; the one they had called Hanji. From where you were standing in the dimly lit office, you could tell she was a woman of a tall stature with dark-brown hair, tied back loosely behind her head. Her goggles reflected the small amount of light, which filtered through the window behind Erwin, leaving you unable to see her eyes. Shivering slightly, you dropped your eyes.

Instead of addressing her, Levi snapped his gaze around to you. You felt his harsh gray eyes boring right into you, devoid of any warmth.

“What are you here for, brat?” he barked, unmasked suspicion evident in his voice. You gulped at his unfriendliness.

“I-Um- Was told to… er… Oh! Bring these,” you stammered uncomfortably, setting the papers down on Erwin’s table.

He glanced down at them for a moment, before turning his face up again with a pleasant smile.

“Ah. I see. You must have had a run-in with Mike,” he explained, looking amused. Oh, Mike. So that’s who that had been… You though you had heard Ymir warn you of something of the sort. “Thank you, cadet,” he added, picking the papers up effortlessly and stashing them under the desk. Your eyes followed his every move.

Under the desk. You would remember that.

The last words you heard were Hanji’s, as she excitedly babbled to Erwin about something you dismissed as trivial, before you exited the cramped room and sped away along the corridor.

To your rising irritation, yet another voice called out to you, as you exited the building, out into the courtyard, where beams of sunlight immediately warmed your face. Who was it this time?

“(Name)!” they repeated, noticeably closer now. You turned just in time to have two warm arms curl around you and pull you into a bone-crushing hug, almost bowling you right over. You struggled to breathe, wriggling around in the boys arms. A familiar scent hit your nose and your eyes widened in recognition as you stopped struggling.

“Eren?!” you exclaimed.


	2. Reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew! Second Chapter done! I haven't even started on the next one yet, so that might be a while... Also, I'm having my exams this month, so that slow things down a bit as well. Still, I'll do my best to keep going. I want to improve my writing after all.^^

“Eren?!”

Your words rang out across the courtyard, through the rich warm air. You weren’t sure why seeing him like this was so unexpected to you. You knew he was going to be here. Watching him was one of your main reasons for coming here after all, unbeknownst to almost everyone other than you, Commander Nile and one of two other of the higher ups.

Maybe it had something to do with how sudden the embrace had been.

“Uff! Get off me, Eren you big lump!” you wined playfully, wriggling in his tight grip. You weren’t going to let him know just how pleased you were to see him again, or how much you in fact enjoyed having his arms wrapped so tightly around you.

“Nope,” came a warm reply. Over his shoulder you noticed another figure making her way calmly up to you.

“(Name),” she murmured coolly. “It’s nice to see you again.”

“Same to you, Mikasa,” you replied with a small smile, disentangling yourself forcefully from Eren, who whined all the while.

“Oh yeah! (Name)!” Eren interrupted. “I heard from Captain Clean-freak that you were transferring. Can you imagine how surprised we all were? You should have seen Sasha’s face! …”

As Eren continued to babble, you caught the dark-haired girl’s eyes for just a moment. It was long enough for you to notice the underlying weariness in her eyes.

God, she’s sharp…

You wriggled self-consciously under her concentrated gaze.

“(Name), are you listening to me?” You were torn out of your thoughts by Eren, his voice laced with mock-hurt.

“Yes, I’m listening,” you returned, tapping his forehead playfully with your finger. You had almost forgotten how much you missed the suicidal bastard. Said brown-haired boy grinned sheepishly and rubbed the back of his head, already looking slightly embarrassed at his over reaction to seeing you again.

Nonetheless, he admitted: “You know, it is really good to see you again.”

“You too Eren…” you returned with a gentle smile. Looking into his turquoise eyes once more made you feel both nostalgic and tranquil. There was a comfortable silence in which the sun streamed onto your faces and the light sound of insects buzzing penetrated through the air. The sun had begun to sink again and a red light started to seep through the sky.

The tranquillity of the moment lasted but a few seconds however before an uncomfortably familiar, cool voice interrupted your happy little reunion.

“Oi brat.”

Eren tensed immediately, though his eyes were shining as the short figure of Captain Levi came into view. You were struck slightly by the amount of admiration that showed in his eyes. You blinked in surprise, not quite able to understand why he seemed so attached to the grumpy Squad Leader, particularly after what you had heard had happened in the court.

Mikasa on the other hand had a venomous look in her eyes as Levi approached. The look on her face had darkened noticeably and the sheer amounts of distaste in her expression made you shudder. You were glad that challenging gaze was not directed at you.

Levi looked unaffected, to the extent that you felt almost a little respectful of him. He simply passed his eyes over her, halting at them Eren for a moment before stopping them at your saluting form.

“Eren, your curfew is effective now,” he growled, still keeping his gaze focused on you. The boy gasped in realisation, shot you an apologetic glance and scurried off. Mikasa glared at Levi for a moment longer, before making her own way across the yard, towards the food hall, occasionally shooting dirty looks over her shoulder at her superior. 

There was a moments silence as Levi watched you critically, before barking: “Come with me, brat.”

Then he turned on his heels and started speeding away, back towards the building. For someone with such short legs, he sure could move fast, you thought to yourself, struggling to keep up.

You wondered briefly if you were in trouble, however you couldn’t think of anything you had done which might have given them a reason to mistrust you. Unless of course Hanji had seen you listening to the conversation in Erwin’s office. Could it be? Your heart pounded painfully against your ribs as Levi led you down a narrow corridor in silence. You wondered if Levi would be able to hear it.

If so, he showed no sign of it. The look on his face remained apathetic as he made his way down the hall. Finally he came to a halt in front of a door. You tried not to let your heavy breathing show, but Levi seemed to notice. To your embarrassment he called you out on it.

“Tch. Looks like life in the Military Police has made you soft, brat.”

You dropped your head, shame-faced and hunched your shoulders. It was insulting to hear it from him, but what made it even worse was the fact that he was probably right.

Levi let out another unsatisfied grunt and roughly swung open the heavy oak door.

“Until we get your quarters ready, you will sleep here,” he explained gruffly. You lifted your gaze from your feet and took in the room he had opened the door too. It was a small room, with walls made mainly of stone. A single window allowed light to flicker into the bedroom and there was a metal candleholder of the left wall, which was enough to dimly light the room. In the far corner on the right a bunk bed occupied almost half of the room.

It was far from homely, but you weren’t complaining. After all, it was a rare treat to have a room, apparently, all to yourself. Not only that, but it seemed warmer than the quarters back at the training camps had been.

You were about to turn around and thank Levi, but found that he had already disappeared, leaving the door open at a half angle. You shrugged to yourself and turned back to the room. You noticed that someone had already placed your small backpack of belongings on the lower bed.

Suddenly feeling rather tired, you removed your evergreen cape and flung it onto the bed, before flopping down on top of it and closing your eyes, enjoying your moment of silence. You could vaguely hear the birds calling to each other through the window and the room was pleasantly warm.

You took the moment to reflect on the events of the day. Your conversation with Erwin Smith, your run in with Mike, almost being suffocated by Hanji, the coldness of Levi towards you, and finally, meeting Eren again. You smiled as an image of the boys face flickered across your mind.

Your thoughts were interrupted by a loud complaint from your stomach, leading you to realise that you had not eaten a thing since breakfast that morning. Surely they would be serving food by now?

In a rush, you changed into your civilian clothes, a simple white button-up shirt, a light cardigan and a long dark blue skirt, and made your way quickly over to the mess hall. Inside there were tables upon tabled crowded with soldiers, eating, chatting and laughing with each other. It created a surprising amount of noise. The whole room was alive with the sound of soldiers haughtily enjoying each other’s company. It was a completely different atmosphere to that of the training camp, where the moment the senior officers decided the noise was becoming too much, they would silence you.

Honestly you had expected the atmosphere to be more subdued here, as the soldiers were faced with imminent death at every moment, but it was in fact the complete opposite. It suddenly occurred to you that maybe the reason for this was because they were faced with imminent death. It was possibly that the soldiers were merely enjoying the precious time they had left with their comrades. It was a gloomy realisation, but it made a depressing amount of sense.

Trying to shake these thoughts out of your head, you grabbed a tray and collected what food had been left over by those who had arrived earlier than you. Then came the hard part. Feeling self-conscious, you looked desperately around for somewhere to sit. All the tables were filled to the brim with soldiers laughing and joking with each other. It made you feel left out and lonely. Back in the military police, you had made friends who included you, but here you felt like a stranger. With Eren locked in a cell somewhere and Mikasa still glaring darkly at anyone who dared approached her, all you could do was stare helplessly around the room until someone mercifully came to your rescue.

“(Name)!”

Waving to you from one of the tabled at the far right corner was the angel of mercy herself. Christa smiled and shuffled along the bench a little to make room for you as you approached.

“Thanks,” you breathed gratefully, settling yourself down on the hard wooden bench. 

“Welcome,” she smiled through a full mouth, chewing determinedly on the stale loaf of bread in her hands.

Your own food wasn’t all that much better. You stared distastefully at the mush on your plate before experimentally prodding it with your spoon.

“Hey. If you’re not going to eat that, I will,” Ymir snapped. You jumped and looked up at her apologetically and gulped down a mouthful, trying not to make a face. Is this what they ate every day? You sure hoped not. Again you were stuck by how different the Survey Corps was the Military Police. Already you were itching to return home. On the other hand, that would mean leaving Eren and Christa behind; the two you had been closest to since your trainee days.

You listened absentmindedly to the trivial conversations Christa and Ymir shared, occasionally putting it a remark, but on the whole you were quiet over dinner. Your thought continued to return to your mission and Eren. Not matter how hard you tried, you were unable to shake either thought from your head.

“You know,” Christa spoke suddenly. “I overheard from Hanji that she will be conducting some more experiments on Eren tomorrow.”

These words caused your head to snap up. Experiments? On Eren? Not only were you shocked by the implications of this, but it would also be the ideal time to ask the two girls a few questions on the subject.

“What was that about Eren?” you piped up, making sure they couldn’t change the subject before you got more information.

Christa looked slightly surprised by the sudden interest in your voice, as up until now you had been farely quiet.

“O-oh! The experiments on Eren…” she began, sending you a curious side long glance. Her eyes met yours and she looked startled by the intense look of concentration in your eyes. “Well… Every so often Hanji experiments on Eren… Oh no! Nothing too dangerous!” she assured you, noticing the anxious bewilderment in your expression. “It’s just stuff like testing his ability to understand commands in titan form and such. We’ve all helped participate in them before-“

“What’s all this sudden interest in Eren anyway, (Name)?” Ymir interrupted with a smirk.

Your head ducked immediately in embarrassment and you felt heat rising to your cheeks. You knew what she was thinking. “It’s not like that!” you protested, more loudly then you had intended. The sudden outburst made some of the other soldiers turn to stare out you, interested expressions present on all of their faces. Your face burned. It was moments like these that made you want to sink into the floor.

“Woah, jeez,” Ymir snapped. “No need to get so defensive.”

“It’s your fault for prying,” Christa scolded. “If there is anything between (Name) and Eren, then it has nothing to do with-“

“No, really. There’s nothing like that,” you cut in. “But thank you Christa.”

Ymir rolled her eyes exasperatedly. “Okay. Show’s over,” she barked at the nosy onlookers, each of whom immediately returned their eyes guiltily to their plates and pretended to be concentrating on their food. You sighed in relief, glad that the attention had once again been steered away from you.

*****

Later that evening, after you had showered and returned to your room, you found yourself staring restlessly up at the underneath of the bed above you. It felt unusually lonely all of a sudden, being all on your own in a room like this and sleep was slow to come.

It was after a few minutes when your eyes had finally adjusted to the dark that you noticed something on the wooden surface above you. You squinted through the darkness, trying to make out what it was, but it was no use. Unable to ignore it now, however, curiosity lead you to sit up in bed to get a closer look.

Once you got closer you recognised the offending mark to be writing of some sort. Now more curious than ever, you raised your fingers to it and traced the letters with your hand. They were etched into the wood by what you assumed must have been a knife or some other manner of sharp edge.

It took some time for you to decipher the messy carving, but when you did, your eyes went wide. Had you read that right? Again you traced your fingers over the mark. It was untidy and rough, but there was no mistaking the bold letters for what they were.

The message above you read: Petra + Levi, and it was surrounded by a ragged shape that you made out to be a heart.


	3. Settling In

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew! Chapter finished! I've decided to make the chapters a little shorter, so I can get them up more quickly. I hope you enjoy!

“You don’t look like you slept much last nast…” Armin commented sympathetically. He and Mikasa sat opposite you as you ate your breakfasts together.

Honestly you hadn’t been surprised by Armin’s presence here. You knew he had already made his decision to follow Eren into the Survey Corps long before most of the others had. You had expected to see him here.

“No… I had too much on my mind…” you replied with a yawn, rubbing your eyes groggily. It was right about then that Eren rolled up, dumping his food tray onto the table in front of him and then sitting heavily down on the bench beside you.

“Wow, you look awful. Bad night?” he asked, turning his eyes on you.

“Gee, thanks. Same to you, bedhead,” you shot back, feeling slightly offended. Eren blinked.

“You try sleeping comfortably in that cell,” he retorted. None-the-less you noticed that he had self-consciously started fiddling with his hair, which was in fact sticking up at odd angles.

Mikasa’s head shot up at his words. “That shortie didn’t do anything to you, did he?” she asked anxiously and immediately leaned over the table and started fussing. Eren irritably smacked her hand away.

“Once again, no,” Eren answered her, disgruntled. “Mikasa, stop it. I’m not your kid.”

You turned your face downwards and stared at your food in an attempt to hide your amusement.

It had turned out that breakfast was considerably more edible than last-nights dinner had been. The bread was still rather stale, but it had been buttered and there was even a little jam available. You decided that there definitely worse possibilities.

“Oh that reminds me,” you spoke, lifting your head again. The adopted siblings halted their bickering and turned their attention to you. “I came across a name yesterday in the room I’m staying in right now.”

“Oh?” Armin piped up, a look of interest evident across his features. Eren and Mikasa watched you with equally curious expressions.

You continued unsuspectingly: “Who’s Petra?”

As soon as the words had left your mouth, the temperature in the room seemed to drop several degrees. The table you sat at had become uncomfortably silent and out of the corner of your eye you noticed several soldiers throwing glances, first towards you, and then towards Levi, who was sitting a few seats away, and whispering apprehensively amongst themselves.

Their odd reaction to the name had left you more than a little bemused. Had you said something wrong?

Eren was staring intensely at Levi, a look of pure anxiety on his face. He almost looked like a wild animal caught in the firelight.

“Eren?” you asked again. “Who’s-“ The boy stopped you from continuing by instantly clamping a firm hand over your mouth.

“Ssh!” he hissed, sending Levi another sidelong glance. If the short captain had heard your words, he showed no signs of it. Eren seemed to realise this and sighed in relief. 

“Please don’t mention that name near Captain Levi again,” Eren whispered, close enough for you to feel his warm breath against your ear. It caused a tingling sensation, which send a strange shiver down your spine.

“Why not?” you muttered back, confused and slightly relieved when the atmosphere turned back to normal and the buzz of solders chatting away in groups returned.

“Well, Petra was a memb-“

“Eren, that tickles,” you interrupted, flicking his nose away from your ear.

“Sorry. As I was saying,” he murmured, shifting his position a little. “Petra was a member of Levi’s former squad. She… She died in our last expedition. Petra Ral was her full name.”

Your eyes widened in shock. This Petra… was dead?

“Where she and the captain very close?” you asked, curiously.

Eren shrugged. “I dunno. They must have been, I guess. Why d’you ask?”

You told them quietly of your discovery above your temporary sleeping quarters from the previous day. When you were done, the expressions on your three companions faces ranged from respectful, though apathetic (Mikasa) to obviously shocked (Armin). Eren just looked thoughtful and mildly unhappy.

“All this time, and I never guessed… She always was kind of shy around him,” Eren mumbled. If you hadn’t known better, you might have mistaken the tone in his voice for one of sadness. You had to admit that the thought of two people who cared so deeply for one another loosing each other prematurely was always sad, but every soldier had learned to accept that this was just the way of things. It had become a sad fact of life. However, that didn’t make it any more bearable for those bereaved.

“It’s so sad…” Armin added, sounding subdued. Mikasa said nothing, but had the good grace to sit in a respectful silence as she ate.

*****

“Eren? Weren’t you working with Hanji today?” Christa asked as she scrubbed at a persistent stain on the window. 

You, along with several of the other cadets had been assigned to the tedious task of cleaning duty. You were starting to wonder whether cleaning was all the Survey Corps ever did. Christa, Eren and Ymir had been assigned to the same room as you and you were all making a desperate effort to clean to Levi’s satisfaction, which was far from easy.

“I was, but Captain Levi postponed it till tomorrow,” Eren explained with a sigh, as he proceeded to sweep the floor with an old broom.

“I swear. If he wants everything clean so badly, why doesn’t he do it himself?” Ymir complained, dusting away the cobwebs from one of the corners. You grunted in agreement, remaking the bed in the far corner and putting the dirty sheets into a washing basket.

Suddenly there was a shrill squeal from Christa and a splat as the wet cloth fall from her hands and hit the floor.

“Ymir! There’s a spider in your hair!” she exclaimed, backing a few steps away. Ymir looked alarmed.

“What? Where?” the taller girl asked, brushing at her hair. Amused, you dropped the task at hand and trotted over to her.

“Hang on, I’ll get it,” you reassured, scooping the eight-legged crawler out of her hair and letting it crawl around on the palm of your hand. It was a relatively large house-spider and as soon as Ymir got a closer look at it, she couldn’t help but flinch.

“I don’t know how you can touch that thing so easily,” she groaned in disgust.

“It’s more afraid of you than you are of it,” you quoted, jabbing your finger playfully into the air in front of you. 

Ymir grimaced. “I’d forgotten about your thing for spiders,” she muttered.

“Hey Christa,” you grinned, shooting the petite girl a devious glance. The tone in your voice sent cold shudders down everyone’s spines and your three companions kept their gazes fixed firmly on you, not wanting to look away out of fear of what you might pull. The dark aura of mischief that surrounded you was unmistakable.

“W-what are y-you doing?” Christa stammered, backing away from you. You said nothing, but continued attempting to close the distance between you and Christa. The spider scuttled frantically around on your hand, looking for a way to escape, but with no avail.

It was then that Christa’s back suddenly hit something hard. With dread she realised that she had backed right into a corner. Trembling, she turned back to you as you approached at an alarming pace.

“Christa,” you repeated in a sing-song voice, coming steadily closer.

“Y-yes?”

“Hey! Just what are you trying to pull-“ Ymir exclaimed, but was cut off by your cry.

“Catch!” You launched your hand upwards into the air, about to fling the spider at her. Your poor victim let out a terrified scream and slid down into a crouch, whimpering loudly, clenching her eyes tight shut.

Nothing.

For a few moments Christa continued to crouch in the corner, waiting for the spider to land in her hair or on her face, however, nothing happened. Cautiously she opened an eye. Instead of a spider, what she saw was you rolling around on the ground, clutching your sides in a fit of hysterical laughter. The spider took its chance and scuttled away across the floor.

Ymir on the other hand looked incredibly bemused and was glaring at you angrily. Meanwhile it was obvious that despite the look of sympathy in his eyes, Eren was also trying desperately to stifle his laughter.

Unfortunately, your moment of oblivious glee was cut off abruptly by a furious: “Oi, brats.”

A string of curses flew through your mind as you quickly pushed yourself up off the ground and saluted, tensely awaiting your superior’s reaction.

“Just what,” he growled menacingly. “Is going on here?”


	4. First Signs

“Oh? And what did he say?”

“I’m on cleaning duty for a month…” you muttered darkly.

To your irritation Squad Leader Hanji answered with a loud, obnoxious laugh, before haughtily slapping you so hard on the back that you almost tumbled forwards, flat onto your stomach.

“Aww! Don’t take it personally,” she reassured you cheerfully. “He’s just a grump. Trust me,” she added, noticing your dubious expression.

There was a moment in which the two of you continued to walk along in silence. Of course, knowing Hanji, it couldn’t last.

“Ah! Here we are!” she suddenly screeched excitedly, taking the wooden sliding door in both hands and flinging it wide open. The loud bang caused the inhabitants of the stable to erupt into panic. Someone narrowly avoided being kicked by their horse, stumbling backwards and knocking right into you.

“Hey, watch out!” you snapped irritably, but as soon as you recognized your assailant, your eyes snapped open.

“Jean?!” you exclaimed in utter surprise.

“Yeah, it’s nice to see you again too,” he muttered darkly, sending a glare in Hanji’s direction. The squad leader however, was already making her way down the centre of the stable and the various dirty looks she received from soldiers trying to calm their horses passed over her head completely.

You were shocked to see Jean of all people here. You knew you hadn’t seen him around, but the Survey Corps?! You had thought him to have more common sense than that.

“No need to look so surprised,” Jean grumbled, steadying the horse carefully to avoid being kicked at again. Seems that his brash way of talking to others still hadn’t changed, despite his apparent change of heart.

You smirked. “And what a fitting place for a reunion with you, horse-face,” you retorted cheekily. Jean glowered at you.

“Hey (Name)!” Hanji called to you. “Found her!”

You exchanged a final glance with Jean, who shrugged dismissively and went back to grooming the horse. You made your way cautiously around the back of the horse and trotted over to where Hanji was leading a large black horse by the reigns. Other than two white forefeet, it was entirely coal-coloured.

“Your horse,” she stated cheerfully. You gulped and looked up at the magnificent mare. It was huge. Along with all the other trainees, horse riding had been among all the necessary skills you had needed to learn, but up until now you had only ridden smaller horses, which had been especially trained for practice. This was on a whole new level. Not to mention the fact, that this was the creature you would have to rely on, should you be forced outside the walls before your mission was over.

No wait. You were overthinking it. Shaking your head to remove gloomy thoughts, you reached out a hand and delicately placed it on the long snout. You could see its nostrils flaring as it took in your unfamiliar scent. Its skin was warm under your hand and you could sense its muscles rippling under its smooth shoulders.

“Woah,” you breathed in awe. This was the magnificent beast you would ride from on? The thought made you feel inexplicably proud to be a member of the military.

Hanji sensed you amazement and laughed that obnoxious laugh of hers again.

“You’ll get used to it,” she snorted in amusement, clapping you on the shoulder. You wished silently that she would stop doing that. At this rate you would end up landing face-first in a pile of horse dung.

*****

“…and then Levi appeared. He was furious! You should have seen him,” Eren cackled. He was rewarded by your elbow digging into his ribs, causing him to wince.

You were sitting at a table along with Armin, Mikasa, Eren and a few of the other cadets, chatting over your evening meals, which consisted this time of a kind of mushy stew with chucks of carrot and potato. And of course Eren was using the opportunity to relate the story of the spider again.

Ymir’s mouth curved into a sly smile. “Honestly, I’m surprised he let you live,” she mused ungraciously, scooping up more of the tasteless, brown stew onto her spoon.

You shot her an irritated glance, but couldn’t help shuddering to yourself as you thought back to the livid expression on the corporal’s face. For someone so short, he was freaking scary.

Connie and Sasha, who sat opposite you, looked similarly uncomfortable. They themselves were certainly no stranger to Levi’ punishments. Under normal circumstances, you were certain Connie would have snickered and made some smart remark at you for bringing the captain’s wrath upon yourself, and therefore weren’t all that sorry that he knew better.

“Hey (Name),” Christa spoke. “I’ve been meaning to ask, but when are you moving in with the rest of us in the cadet-dorms?”

“I think Captain Levi was going to arrange for a bed to be brought in there tomorrow,” you replied unsurely. Thoughtfully you lifted your glass of water to your mouth and sipped at it half-heartedly. You thought back to the little carving above your current sleeping quarters. You supposed after you moved in with everyone else, Petra’s room would once again lie empty, collecting dust by itself, the carving forgotten.

It was sad to think of. At one point Petra would have shared that room with another soldier. You wondered what she might have been like in life, what thoughts might have been running through her head as she carved that little momento into the bed above and what kind of connections and relationships she might have had with others.

However, according to Eren, all that, in a matter of seconds, had been wiped out in a single moment. A single, fatal blow from a titan and her life, along with all hopes and dreams she might have carried with her had been cut short. It was a hard pill to swallow.

What made it worse is that it brought with it the realisation that you could be next. If you were ever forced beyond the walls, your life might end in the same way, all of your wishes and memories wiped away, just like that. The thought alone was making you loose your appetite.

You had entirely spaced out with these glum thoughts running through your head by the time the others noticed something was up. Eren exchanged a glance with Mikasa and shrugged. Christa glanced anxiously at you.

“Hey, (Name)! Hey! You okay?” Someone cut into your thoughts. Startled you shot up.

Bang.

You winced as your forehead collided painfully with Eren’s.

“Owww…” he whined, bringing his hands up to his head.

“Aah! Sorry,” you gasped, touching your own forehead experimentally. That was going to form a bruise. “It doesn’t hurt to much does it?”

You leaned closer to Eren and inspected his throbbing forehead, feeling his shoulder pressing against yours. Unbeknownst to you, your proximity was causing the blood to rush into Eren’s face and he ducked his head away.

“I’m fine,” he muttered. You blinked and moved away. Eren let out an internal sigh of relief. You had been oblivious to Eren’s unusual behaviour, but none of it went unnoticed by Mikasa.

*****

It was in fact later, when you were walking back to the main building from the bathhouse with Mikasa in an awkward silence, that she mentioned the encounter again.

“You know,” she murmured thoughtfully to you. “Eren really missed you.”

You turned and looked at her, confused and unsure of where this was going.

“I know,” you answered finally. “I missed him too.”

“… That’s not really what I meant, (Name).”

“…”

Mikasa sighed, exasperated. “You really can be dense, you know that?” she grumbled under her breath.

“What I meant,” she continued. “Is that he’s really glad that you are around him again. How do you feel?”

Realisation at what she was hinting at stuck you. You wondered irritably why she was beating around the bush so much. It just made the whole thing more awkward and it really wasn’t like her usual, straightforward self.

“W-well, of course I’m pleased to see him,” you sputtered.

“Yes, but how do you feel about him?” Mikasa persisted urgently. You were fast approaching the place where the two of you would have to go your different ways and it was obvious she wanted an answer from you before you left for your own room.

“Eren is a close friend,” you concluded with an air of finality. Mikasa still looked unsatisfied, but instead of persisting, she sighed in defeat and dropped her shoulders. The dark-haired girl shook her head.

“You’ve known each other for 3 years,” she remarked cryptically, before turned off and making her way back to her own sleeping-quarters.

You shrugged, and went off in your own direction, uncertain of what to make of the conversation you had just had. What had she meant by that last comment? Eren was your friend, a close and trusted friend to be sure, but still only a friend. Nothing more. Mikasa’s nagging had confused you more than ever.

Sure, you had known each other for three years, but you hadn’t seen each other since the two of you went your separate ways after the Battle of the Trost. And after all, you had only been here for a day; not long enough at all to be making decisions about personal relationships.

You could understand what Mikasa was getting at; you had known each other for a long time, but you were only here temporarily for the sake of the Military Police. Once your mission was over, you would leave Eren and the Survey Corpse behind for good. In other words, you had no future with anyone here.

You sighed. And that was not to mention the fact that your reasons for being here were far from pure. Sure, you had partly accepted this mission in the hopes of catching up with your friends and Eren, but it wouldn’t last. Creating unnecessary bonds would just make leaving everyone behind in the end all the more painful. That was an experience you did not want to repeat.

Hell, the reasons were endless.

You remembered back to your bond with Marco. And look how disastrously that had ended, you thought bitterly. When you first became a military trainee, you had harboured a slight crush on the freckled boy. Like all childish crushes it was largely fuelled by admiration for his personality and his friendliness towards you, but even once the initial excitement had worn off, Marco had been a remained firm support for you all throughout your trainee days. Loosing him had dealt a heavy blow to you; one that you were unlikely to forget, and even less likely to want to repeat.

From that point on you had decided that there was nothing to be gained from any kind of over-attachment and were determined not to repeat that mistake.

Tiredly, you flopped down on the bed in you corner of your room. This whole thing was so confusing. Ever since the true reality of the battle against the titans had become clear to you it had almost seemed like the world had become black and white. You were either dead or fighting desperately for your life. If you had the power to turn back time, you would have tried to shield yourself from this realisation, and probably stopped yourself from ever joining the military in the first place. Life in these conditions had made everything so much more complicated, and at the same time so much simpler.

On the other hand your military training had made you into the stronger person you were today. You were no longer that childish little girl who used to cry at the smallest scratch or dent to her pride. And of course you never would have met Eren.

You bit your lip in irritation. Why did all your thoughts always seem to turn back to Eren?

Again you glanced up the carving on the bed above. You couldn’t help wondering if perhaps Petra had been plagued by similar thoughts. In the end, was she content with her decision to join the military? Perhaps only even because she met Levi there. Who could say for sure? It was hard to imagine that there was anyone here who wouldn’t regret their decision once they were about too meet their fate in the clutches of a titan.

Too tired to remove your uniform properly, you kicked off your boots and pulled the blanket over your form. It was only moments after your head hit the pillow that you sunk into a deep, dreamless sleep for the first time in several months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woah... Sorry things are slowing down a bit already! I've got a bunch of exams coming up and I'm desperately trying to get all that last minute revision done. ^^'
> 
> And ugh, I feel like all the romance-y scenes are kind of stale... but oh well. I'll just have to keep going. :3


	5. Petra's Carving

You were awoken by warm morning sunlight streaming through the window onto your face. Drowsily you pushed yourself up in your bed with a loud yawn. Wow, that sleep sure had felt good…

Heaving yourself upright with a stifled groan, you freshened your uniform, put on your straps and boots and trotted down the hallway. Your boots made light clicking sounds against the stony floor and echoed down the hall.

It was too early for breakfast and only a few soldiers were milling around the yard, enjoying the sunlight against their skin and going about some early morning chores.

A small group of soldiers, including Reiner and Berthold, were jogging around the outside of the castle, accompanied by the singing of various birds. On the whole, a rare feeling of contentment surrounded the entire place. You supposed days like this even existed in the military every so often.

You spotted Armin and Mikasa sitting under one of the trees nearby, dappled by the sunlight gently filtering through the bright green leaves. Armin was talking animatedly about something, while Mikasa fiddled discontentedly with one of the straps on her uniform. You supposed it was still to early for Eren to be about. The poor boy was still probably locked in some room under the castle. It seemed a shame for him to be missing such a beautiful morning, but there was nothing you could do. His curfew was under Levi’s command.

You were about to walk over to where Armin and Mikasa were sitting, but halted when you noticed someone else with the corner of your eye. Said person was staring forlornly into space, absentmindedly running a cloth over his manoeuvring gear in an attempt to polish it. 

“Jean?” you called out as you trotted over to him. He glanced at you for a moment before returning his gaze to his gear. He looked awfully lonely you couldn’t help but noticing. There was a grunt from him, to show he had acknowledged your presence.

“What is it?” you teased with a grin. “Are you trying to make it shiny enough to see your own reflection in it?”

This was usually when he threw back some retort. There was a moment’s silence and then he just sighed. Well, that wasn’t like him. You flopped down beside him. He looked vaguely surprised by your company, but didn’t question it. Maybe he was glad for some.

You remembered how back during your trainee days he had been so close to Marco. His personality had caused him to clash with many of the other trainees, but Marco had been the only one who seemed to see the better side of Jean’s personality. He had been able too see past Jean’s flaws and recognize his virtues. Not to mention the fact that Marco seemed to be one of the few who became immune to his insensitive remarks. Marco was truly one of a kind. It took an amazing amount of patience to be like him. You yourself had learned not to take Jean’s remarks to heart, but still he succeeded in irritating you at times.

It was partly his normally brash behaviour of his that made this quiet and isolated Jean look so out of place. It caught you off guard and made you feel strangely unhappy for him.

But there was nothing you could really say. No words would bring Marco back. All you could really do for those with fallen comrades was be there for them, and so you silently decided that you would try to fill that role.

Despite your resolution however, the conversation between you and Jean had come to a standstill before it had even begun.

“I wonder what there will be for breakfast this morning,” you commented. Maybe if you couldn’t comfort him, you could at least try to take his mind of things for a while.

Jean shrugged. “It’s always pretty much the same,” he replied.

“Oh.”

By this point you were completely despairing as to what you could say.

Fortunately, at that moment, someone else came to your rescue. Unfortunately, you realised that person was Connie.

“Oi, Jean! Making friends?” he smirked.

“Shut up Connie,” Jean grumbled. “Not in the mood.”

“Right,” said Connie, turning to you. “By the way (Name), I think Captain Levi wants you.”

Levi? What could he want?

With a sigh of dread you heaved pushed yourself upright with an awkward nod to Jean and scampered off.

“C’mon horse-face. Lighten up,” you heard Connie grumble at Jean, just before you came out of earshot.

Levi was waiting for you by the main entrance to the castle. He was leaning casually against the stone doorframe, the ever-bored expression still present on his features. As you came up you planted your feet firmly on the ground in front of him and saluted.

“Sir!” you greeted respectfully. Levi narrowed his eyes at you.

“Flattery will get you nowhere, Cadet,” he growled. “Come with me.” He offered no further explanation, instead pushing through the door and stalking down the hallway. Narrowly avoided the door swinging into your face, you galloped after him, trying to keep pace.

About halfway down the corridor he growled: “Listen. Your personal belongings have been moved to the main dorms. You should find a bed with your name-plate on it.”

“Oh! Thank you sir,” you exclaimed. He still didn’t explain his reason for dragging you along the hall, back towards your previous room. If your luggage had already been moved what reason would you have for going back there?

Still, Levi continued to stride purposefully towards the door that led to Petra’s former room. He flung open the door carelessly and moved over to the bed.

With narrowed eyes, he began to speak: “Cadet (Name).” You tensed as Levi continued: “Were you the one who put that carving there?”

You gulped. So that was what this was about. You knew full well that if Levi believed you to be the culprit, he wouldn’t hesitate to blame you for damaged property and by no means did you have the resources to replace anything.

Unfortunately you had no way of actually proving that the carving wasn’t yours. All you could do was honestly deny it and hope that he believed you. You hoped he would see sense. After all, there was no reason for you might have made that carving, nor was there any definite proof that you had.

You took a deep breath before replying calmly: “No, sir. It was there before.”

You forced yourself to hold his gaze, even when he narrowed his eyes at you.

“Are you sure?” he continued, his tone low and threatening. You could sense a storm just beneath the apathetic mask he seemed to carry. It left you confused. Of course damaged property was an offence, but it was no means as serious a crime as Levi seemed to be taking it as. There was a whirlwind of emotions just below his skin, and no matter how hard he was trying to hide it, you could tell he was fighting to hold something back.

“Yes, sir.” This time you were unable to stop your voice from trembling, but you held eye contact determinedly.

You couldn’t help but be slightly impressed by how well he masked what was underneath. Levi kept himself completely unreadable.

There was a moment of tense silence as the two of you stared at each other, neither willing to back down first. You knew that if you did, Levi would most likely hold you responsible for the damage done.

In the end, to complete and utter your shock, Levi sighed and closed his eyes first. After a few seconds he opened them again and nodded to you.

“Alright Cadet, you are dismissed.” The short captain turned his back to you, a wordless signal that he wanted to mull something over on his own and you should therefore leave the room.

You turned around and were just about to leave when suddenly you hesitated. This was probably going to be the only chance you would get to ask. Steeling yourself, you turned back to the room once more and shakily asked: “Captain, sir… Who had that bed before me…?”

Levi clenched his fists. When he replied, you heard something in his voice that was completely unexpected. Never in the two days you had gotten to know the terrifying man, would you have guessed him to be the type to regret and mourn the deaths of others, but here he was, Captain Levi, Humanities Strongest Soldier, speaking with a tremble in his voice.

“Petra. The lower bunk was Petra’s,” he murmured quietly, his back still turned to you.

And with that, you silently left the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this was such a short chapter! I'll try to keep going, but there might not be that much over the next few days. As I said before, I'm in the middle of my exam month right now. Still I hope you enjoyed this latest chapter. 
> 
> I wanted Levi to discover the carving, but I'm not sure if I really got his character right for that bit... Let me know what you think! :)


	6. Practice Begins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aah! I'm so sorry this took so long! You may smack me now!
> 
> The thing is that I still have two exams left and I'm still revising frantically. I'll do my best to keep going though. And also, this is my last exam week, so hopefully things will speed up after that. :3

You watched in an awed silence as your comrades flew through the trees overhead. Despite the fact that your neck was becoming increasingly stiff with the tension of having to face upwards, you were unable to tear your eyes away from them.

Every now and then a shadow would flicker over your form as one of your comrades shot overhead. It was obvious that even in the short time your friends had been in the Survey Corps, they had improved massively. You yourself had in fact graduated in the Top 10 with your speed and agility, but at this rate you would have to work hard to make sure the others didn’t leave you behind in their trails of dust.

Then again, you supposed that it was no longer really about who was the best or the top of the class. Now that you were a fully-fledged soldier, the only thing that truly mattered was having the necessary skills to survive.

You were so mesmerised by the show in front of you that you hardly took in your surroundings at all. And unbeknownst to you, someone nearby was using that to their advantage.

Your thoughts were rudely interrupted by a low growl behind you: “Hey (Name), look at all these big-ass trees.”

You almost jumped right out of your skin, and whipped around in terror, expecting to see Captain Levi. Instead, your eyes met with sparkling turquoise ones and a familiar mop of ruffled hair came into focus.

“Eren! You almost gave me a heart attack,” you snapped, putting your hand to your chest in order to slow your racing pulse. Eren cackled gleefully, ignoring your pointed glare. He was rewarded by another elbow to the ribs.

“So how did the experiments with Hanji go?” you asked, once Eren had regained his breath.

“Better than your Manoeuvring Gear practice by the looks of it,” he smirked. Blood rushed to your face and Eren received yet another elbowing.

“Oof!” he gasped. “Dammit (Name), you’re breaking all my ribs,” Eren. You stuck out your tongue playfully at him and winked simultaneously. Eren’s eyes widened and he glanced away, his face darkening. It was remarkably cute, seeing such a playful gesture from a girl as hard as you were.

“Ah, Cadets,” a deep voice suddenly rumbled nearby. You turned around quickly and saluted. Eren did likewise and stared up at Commander Erwin, eyes full of admiration.

“At ease,” Erwin spoke, nodding to the two of you. Even at the command, standing so leisurely in front of such a high-ranking officer went entirely against all Military Discipline, which had been inflicted on you and your fellow trainees so far.

“Cadet (L/N),” Erwin addressed you. “I have been told a lot about you and your abilities with the 3D Gear. I have to admit that I would much like to see your experience with my own eyes.”

You tensed slightly. You knew that this was coming sooner or later. After all, they couldn’t send a soldier into battle without first assessing their abilities.

Erwin elaborated: “One of your skills in particular is listed here as ‘agility’.”

You glanced up, surprised. He wasn’t wrong. You had earned yourself your place in the top ten with you amazing ability to whiz through the air. You could easily outmanoeuvre Jean and perform stunts in the air as well as Mikasa. This ability had helped you make up for your lack of brute strength and shallow strikes and you would have been lying if you had said you weren’t proud of your aerial skills.

“What would you like me to perform, sir…?” you asked, thoughtfully.

Erwin rubbed his chin for a moment, before raising his hand above his head and pointed to something flickering overhead. You craned your neck and realised the figure he was pointing at Levi, who was spinning through the air at a speed unimaginable. He was performing his signature spin through the trees, dodging branches and other trainees at an amazing velocity.

“Sir?” you asked again, not quite understanding what he was getting at.

Erwin lowered his arm again. “Do you think you could imitate that?” he questioned.

Your mouth fell open. Surely he couldn’t be serious! You glanced up once more at Levi. For someone as experienced as him, it seemed effortless and elegant, however for someone such as you, something like that would be near impossible, particularly with all these dense surrounding trees.

“Sir, I don’t think…” a nearby officer spoke hesitantly, obviously having overheard much of the conversation.

Erwin raise a commanding hand and looked down intently into your eyes.

“Well, Cadet?”

You could feel your heart hammering weakly in your chest, anxiety bubbling up inside you. There was something about Erwin that instinctively made you want to impress him. Maybe it was the trust he was putting in you, or the fact that he seemed like someone who was not easily impressed but at the same time would give credit where credit was due. You had remembered how at first Shadis had also given off such a feeling. Only Erwin felt different, somehow. You wanted to comply with his wishes and impress him, not because he would be angry if you didn’t, but because you didn’t want to disappoint him. Maybe that’s why someone like him made such a great commander. He had a certain charm to him, which Commander Nile lacked. It made you respect him, despite your current situation.

“I’ll… I’ll do it,” you replied determinedly, bringing your eyes up to meet the commanders. The smallest of smiles tugged at the corners of his mouth.

“Well met soldier.”

*****

Feeling yourself back up in the air felt amazing. Your gear wasn’t often necessary within the confinements of Wall Sina and was therefore rarely utilised. However, now feeling the wind combing through your hair and blowing into your face as you swooped amongst the trees felt good. A familiar rush flowed through your veins as you propelled yourself upwards.

Coming to a halt and landing on one of the tree branches by the commander, you felt a rush of adrenaline pumping through you. You were enjoying every minute of this exercise.

However you were slightly downtrodden when you landed to find that already you were loosing energy and your breath had sped up. It was obvious that life out here in the Corps had hardened up your friends, sharpening their instincts and honing their skills, while back in Wall Sina you had been living the easy life. It was a blow to you. After all, you had always been used to being at the top and while you were as sharp as ever in the air, your physical abilities weren’t yet at the level of your companions.

A moment later there was another thump and the tree shook slightly as someone landed unsteadily on the branch beside you. Without thinking, you reached out and grabbed them by the arm, steadying them.

The cadet let out a shaky sigh of relief.

“T-thanks…” he murmured quietly. The voice was familiar and when he stood up straight you realised the newcomer was Berthold. He looked shaken as ever and was looking down at you with the anxious look you remembered.

There was a rustle as someone landed on the branch nearby.

“Three years and you still haven’t gotten the hang of landing?” someone yelled gruffly, though there was humour in the voice.

“Reiner!” you called over and waved. He grinned and waved back before speeding away once again, Berthold in his heels. There was a gust of wind by your ear as someone leapt up from a branch underneath you and chased after them.

“Sup (Name)!” Connie yelled over his shoulder as he shot past.

“Connie, look out for that tree,” you shouted back, frantically waving your arms. The grin on the boys face vanished instantly and he glanced forwards again, narrowly avoiding the large pine in front of him. You let out a sigh of relief.

“Cadet (L/N),” someone called from below. You crouched down on the branch, keeping a hand on the gnarled bark of the tree trunk and glanced down to where Erwin was standing on the ground. Eren was with him. For a moment you swept your gaze over him and were met with anxious turquoise orbs, before you shifted your attention back to the commander.

“Sir?”

“Are you ready, cadet?” Erwin replied, his raised voice booming through the trees. You gave him a thumbs-up sign with your free hand and stood back up on the ground. Erwin gave on okay sign to Levi who was perched steadily on a nearby tree, looking uninterested as ever.

The short Captain leapt off from his tree and shot his grabbling hooks into a tree a few metres in front of him. Carefully you watched, taking in every movement, as all of a sudden he put his full weight on his left foot, yanking him into another direction. However at the last minute he evened out his weight slightly and broke into his familiar spin. You watched in awe as he shot between the branched of a nearby tree and landed on a branch just above you.

Now it was your turn. You took in a deep breath to steady your nerves, before shooting off your hooks and stepping off the safety of the branch, into the open air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm... I'm not actually that happy with this chapter on the whole. It feels a bit rushed. And I'm sorry that the chapters keep getting shorter! I'm so busy right now. :O
> 
> On a sidenote, I want to thank those who commented on my work. It's really nice to read your thoughts! :)


	7. Collisions Mid-Air

A sudden gust of wind hit as you shot off the branch, away into the trees. There was an overwhelming scent of sweat in your nose and your shoulders felt tense. You tried to loosen them up slightly, hoping to allow yourself more freedom in the air.

Underneath you, several pairs of both anxious and curious eyes looked up at you. You met their gazes for a moment, then turned your face away again, keeping your eyes focused on the air in front of you. There was no safe landing here. If you made a mistake and fell, you would only hit hard, dusty ground.

You almost lost your nerve as you imagined the sickening crunch of a human body against the ground, desperately trying, but failing to suck air into your crushed lungs… But then you remembered something that Armin and told you during the Battle of the Trost, just before you were sent back out to defend Eren, until he had finished moving the boulder.

“If I were to imagine all the ways in which I might die, I wouldn’t be able to keep fighting.”

Quietly muttering a thanks to Armin under your breath, you steeled yourself and suddenly pushed all your weight onto your right foot. You jerked suddenly to the side, but before you could change course completely you evened out your weight a little, shifting some of your weight to your other foot.

You wobbled uncomfortably in the air for a moment, while first the ground and then the sky flashed in front of your eyes. You let out a panicked gasp, finally loosing your nerve and steadying yourself upright in the air again and landing on a nearby branch.

“Oi brat,” a voice called out, a few trees away. “Not bad. Again.”

Surprised, you glanced up at Levi. He glared back, expectantly, silently persuading you to go again. You nodded and shot off your hooks again. Closing your eyes for a short moment, you let out a long breath, calming yourself, before once again shifting your weight onto a single foot. Again you yanked suddenly to the side, and reacted by spreading your weight out more evenly again.

This time you managed two spins before landing heavily down on the branch again. There were a few cheers from your comrades below.

“I can’t believe it,” someone exclaimed.

“She’s actually doing it,” Sasha added, her voice laced with awe. Her eyes were shining as she stared up at you. As you met her eyes, she gave you a thumbs up sign. You grinned back and leapt off the branch again with a small cry of exhilaration. 

As you repeated the spin again, you felt yourself becoming more confident. By the fifth time, you had managed up to four spins and several of your comrades had joined you in the air, calling out encouragement and cheering when you reached your forth spin.

Even Erwin seemed approving and Levi gave the smallest of nods in your direction. With a cry of glee, you shot your arrows out a sixth time. Leaping into the air, you shifted your weight and then-

Something whizzed past you, and you were suddenly pulled off course, flailing and cursing. There was a twang of wires rubbing and winding around each other. It didn’t take you long to realise that your wires had become entangled with somebody else’s and said person and you were now circling around each other. And that would mean…

CRASH!

You collided heavily against the other person. The two of you had been moving fast enough for the collision to knock the air right out of you. For a moment you struggled and flailed around in a breathless panic, but a moment later air re-entered your lungs and you were reduced to coughing and spluttering, desperately trying to return enough oxygen to your lungs.

Shouts suddenly rang out all around you, echoing through the trees.

“Are those two alright?”

“What happened?”

“Did they crash?”

You were still trying to properly process the situation. You whipped your head back and forth, trying to take in all directions at once. It appeared that you had crashed into someone mid-air and worse, the two of you were now ensnared in a web of your own grabbling wires. In your panic you had clutched your arms tightly around the other parties chest and your face was squashed right beneath the persons chin, against their neck.

The other person was apparently also trying to orientate himself. They were squirming mercilessly and twisting their head in all directions, trying to take in their surroundings. A familiar scent hit your nose.

“Eren?” you almost screeched.

“(Name)?” he cried back, sounding equally shocked. 

“What- Why?” you spluttered feeling your face heat up. You were pressed right up against the boy, completely entangled and unable to move in the midst of all the wires.

Eren began to wriggle. “I’m so sorry-“ he began, but was cut off by another voice.

“Cadet Jaeger! Cadet (L/N)! Are you two alright?” Erwin boomed up. You snuck an awkward glance down to where he was standing. He was looking up anxiously at the two of you, and meanwhile officers and other soldiers scuttled about all around him. It almost looked comical. If you hadn’t been in this situation, you might even have laughed. From your vantage point they looked like a group of ants, swarming around the damaged area of an ant-heap.

“I… I think so,” you called back shakily. You were unharmed for the most, excluding a few bruises, but your body felt on fire. You were simultaneously panicking and flustered, and it left you almost unable to breathe, let alone talk coherently. 

“Listen,” Erwin continued. “Don’t make any sudden movements. We’ll get you down.”

You tried to form some kind of response, but your tongue absolutely refused to act. Instead, to your relief, Eren answered: “You got it.”

“Are you okay?” he added to you, in a quieter voice. You simply clung to him and nodded, refusing to show your beet-red face.

In the end it took a good quarter of an hour and three soldiers to disentangle the two of you safely. A group of four soldiers on the ground were also needed to hold a net, in case either of you suddenly fell (although when you later thought about it, you were pretty certain it wouldn’t have really been able to properly break your fall).

By the time you were safely returned to the ground, you took in several deep breaths of air, kneeling on the ground, gasping in relief. You had survived yet another day in the Survey Corps, and had (this time) avoided falling to your death.

*****

By the time the evening meal was served, your muscles felt stiff and several bruises had formed on your body. You collapsed down onto the bench beside Ymir who shot you a glance, which may have verged on something resembling sympathy.

Christa immediately asked from the other side of the table: “Did something happen Name)?”

Your thoughts strayed once again to the incident from earlier, but instead you shook your head. “No, I’m fine. Thanks for asking.”

Christa looked at you doubtfully, but only shrugged and returned to her previous conversation with Ymir. You didn’t really feel like talking, and were glad that the small girl had picked up on that fact.

In truth you were still going over the events of the day. Eren had been in your mind ever since, and no matter how hard you tried, you were unable to get him out of your head. He was stuck firmly in your mind, like an animal in a cage. You were certain you could still smell his lingering scent on you, and feel his warm, writhing body against yours. The memory made your skin feel hot.

You sighed and leaned your chin in your hands, your elbows resting against the wooden table. Closing your eyes, you tried to clear your thoughts, but all that happened was that Eren’s beautiful turquoise eyes popped up in your mind once again. They had been so close… Close enough for you to sense every little flicker of emotion that passed through them. You let out a growl of frustration.

‘Dammit, Eren,’ you thought irritably, burying your hands in your hair. “Get out of my head.’

“(Name)?” There was now unconcealed concern present in Christa’s voice.

“Let her be. She’s daydreaming about Jaeger again,” Ymir interrupted.

“Am not!” you snapped.

“Really?” Christa gasped.

“No!”

Ymir raised a sceptical eyebrow. Your face now felt on fire. Sure, they weren’t wrong, but it wasn’t the way they thought it was! The fact that they had hit so close to home poked a hole in your pride though and made everything worse. You wished the floor would just swallow you up by this point.

“You know what, I don’t feel hungry anymore,” you growled, standing up abruptly. Christa eyes widened in a mixture of shock and possibly hurt. It made you feel slightly guilty, but right now you were covering up your embarrassment in the only way you knew how, by masking it with hostility.

“Hey, hey. Who spat in your coffee?” Ymir drawled lazily as you began to walk away. You ignored her.

As you stalked off irritably, Sasha, who happened to notice you getting up and leaving, called after you: “Hey, if you’re not going to eat that, can I?”

You hesitated for a moment, weighing your opinions of turning back or walking away. Once Sasha had your food, there would be no going back, but in the end your pride took over anyway and you left the dining hall without another word.

Sasha shrugged and took it as ‘yes’, and shot over to your seat, before stuffing your food into her mouth at an alarming rate, hardly even chewing. Meanwhile Christa turned anxiously to Ymir and asked anxiously: “What it something I said?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eep! This feels almost like a constant battle to keep the story realistic. :O I hope I'm doing okay so far. It feels a little rushed again, but like I said before, practice makes perfect, so if I just keep going, I'll hopefully get better!
> 
> Thank you for reading!
> 
> (On a sidenote, I've got an exam tomorrow and the day after, so there might not be an update till next week. Thanks for understanding!)


	8. Unexpected Arrival

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! It's been a while and I'm sorry. This chapter is relatively short, but I felt I really needed to update, so enjoy!
> 
> (And thank you guys for all the encouragement!)

Unbeknownst to you, the Shiganshina trio had in fact been having a similar conversation. Over at the other side of the hall, the three sat, along with Jean on the end of one of the tables.

Both Eren and Jean seemed oddly subdued. Armin kept shooting confused glances at Mikasa, who just ignored him and continued eating her stew. Jean, who sat next to Armin prodded the array of tasteless food around his plate, while Eren just sat silently and stared at his.

Eventually Armin decided he couldn’t stand it anymore and addressed Eren: “What happened, Eren?”

“Nothing.”

The silence was upon them again. Armin began to fidget. He wondered whether he should perhaps excuse himself and get ready for bed. The only problem with that would be that he was still hungry.

To his relief, Mikasa finally seemed to grasp the situation and spoke up: “Eren crashed into (Name) earlier, during practice.”

“Really?” Armin gasped. He could have sworn that he had heard a snicker from Jean at these words.

“Mikasa! Don’t tell them that!” Eren protested, elbowing her roughly. Armin could see from where he was sitting that the tips of his ears were going red and he was avoiding eye contact. Mikasa ignored Eren and shovelled more food into her mouth, her eyes devoid of expression, as usual.

A heavy silence fell over the table again. Mikasa chewed quietly. Jean picked at his food. Eren fiddled with the collar of his shirt.

Armin set his spoon down on his tray, stood up carefully and picked up his left-overs. As if through some unspoken signal, Jean did the same and the two of them left and exited the dining hall, leaving Eren and Mikasa to sit together in silence.

“You’re not hurt are you?” Mikasa murmured quietly.

“No, stop fussing,” Eren grumbled, smacking her hand away from his shoulder.

“Then eat,” Mikasa snapped, and then moved away again. Eren gulped and forced himself to take a bite of the tasteless stew.

*****

“Jean, is something bothering you?” Armin asked as they left the noise of the dining hall behind.

Jean hunched his shoulders and looked in the opposite direction.

“Is it… Is it Marco?” Armin continued hesitantly. At the sound of his old friends name, Jean flinched, but said nothing. Armin knew instantly that he had struck the nail right on the head.

“You don’t need to feel bad about that, you know. It wasn’t your fau-“

“You don’t understand,” Jean interrupted harshly, this time making Armin flinch. His voice was suddenly full of bitterness and self-loathing. “He was like a brother to me. And now he’s gone. And it is my fault.”

“Wha-“

Jean continued: “If he hadn’t come after me, maybe he would have been killed. But he did, and now he’s gone. And it’s all my fault. Every time I laugh, every time I smile, I feel guilty. Why, you ask? Because it should have been me. I don’t deserve to be happy. He should be the one standing here, not me. Damn him. He shouldn’t have come after me…”

He was rambling now. His voice was speeding up and the words began to sound raw and frustrated as it all came rushing out. All of a sudden, Armin realised that this must have been how Jean really felt all along. He remembered back to the Battle of the Trost when he had seen Eren being swallowed whole, right in front his eyes. He remembered the guilt he had felt at Eren taking his place, and the pain of realising that he would never again see his friend alive.

Then he thought again about the failed expedition. If he had stopped the female titan earlier… If he had told Erwin of his suspicions, then maybe… Just maybe, so many more lives could have been saved. Ness, Sys, Petra, Olou, Gunther, Eldo…

Armin shook his head to clear the thoughts. He couldn’t afford to think like that. Those who were afraid to sacrifice things they held dear could never hope to achieve anything. In this kind of a world, where it was either kill or be killed, nothing could be achieved without sacrifice. He had known that, and so had Erwin, when he had lead the Survey Corps outside the safety of the walls. The commander had made a bet, and he had lost.

“You shouldn’t feel guilty about it,” Armin spoke without thinking. Jean broke off and looked at him incredulously.

Armin continued: “If I thought like that, I wouldn’t be able to fight. After all, what’s done is done. Whether you waste your life regretting it or not, you can’t change it, you only waste energy by dwelling on it.”

Jean looked as if he wanted to say something, but Armin wouldn’t let him.

“Jean. Do you think Marco would be happy if he could see you now? You’re wasting the life he helped you keep. I’m certain… I’m certain that Marco saved you because he could see your potential. He was determined for you to live because he expected you to continue doing so. He wanted you to keep smiling. He gave this chance to you, so earn it Jean. Fight,” Armin finished with an air of finality.

Jean said nothing, only blinked. The two of them had stopped and were now facing each other. Armin had an unwavering look in his eyes as he met the eyes of his friend. Jean looked thoughtfully back. The cool evening air was now silent, with the exception of the occasional hoot of an owl and the crackling of the small torches along the stone walls of the castle.

With a jolt Armin realised he meant each and every one of those words. Back on that day in the Trost, Eren had willingly risked his life to save Armin’s own. After the initial despair and disbelief Armin had realised that Eren had done so because Armin had still had a chance to live and fight for humanity. Eren had believed that the loss of his life would mean a loss to humanity. Knowing this had given Armin the strength to keep going and form the plan that eventually got them out of the Trost alive.

The blond boy’s thoughts were then rudely interrupted by a loud thundering noise. He and Jean turned their heads to look out at the shadowy courtyard, lit only by the orange flames, attempting to adjust their eyes to the dimness.

Armin could distinguish the beat of several sets of hooves. They were getting louder, signalling the approach of an unknown messenger. The noise had alerted not only them, but also the guards and several other soldiers who had padding along between the shadows of the main yard. There were confused exchanges, bewildered yells and words of warning cutting through the still night air. The pattering of a dozen feet could just be heard over the noise of approaching horses.

Armin and Jean looked on in astonishment and five men on horseback galloped into the yard, creating a complete ruckus as they steadied their large horses and finally halted to a dramatic standstill. The snorts of several tired horses could be heard above orders being yelled.

The man at the front slid gracefully off his tall dark horse and landed lightly on his feet in one swift, cat-like movement. Grabbing the reigns of the panting great horse he barked out loudly: “We are here to speak with Commander Erwin Smith.”

His silhouette looked large and ominous on the backdrop of the flaming torches and Armin could just barely make out the features of the large man. He had brown, cropped hair and dark unreadable eyes. He was unfamiliar to Armin, but as he came closer, followed by his great horse, the blond Cadet could clearly make out a familiar emblem. The emblem of the Military Police.

*****

Anxiously you watched from the shadows of a tree on the edge of the courtyard as the representatives of the Military Police were relieved of their horses and lead towards the main entrance of the castle.

You felt horribly apprehensive. Nobody had notes you about this visit, and as far as you knew you weren’t done with your mission. Were you? The thought made you strangely unhappy.

Across the yard, Cadets were gathering from the dining area, huddling together and exchanging explanations in hushed whispers. You spotted Jean and Armin a few feet away from the crowd, standing closely together with bent heads, muttering to each other under their breath.

You were about to move towards them when there was a rustle in the greenery behind you. But before you even managed to whip around to find the cause, a firm hand placed itself over your mouth, stifling your startled scream, and dragged you backwards into the shadows.


End file.
